AGING AND LOVE LIFE
I have been asked if a woman over 60 years could rebuild her love life. There has been a consensus in people’s opinion that loving reconstruction is much easier for older man than it is for older woman, if we focus only on the sexual aspect.
What can be noted from this overview is that the sexual appeal that a young woman can cause in a man - both young and older - is not the same sexual appeal that an older woman can cause. In general, biologically speaking, this is our bare reality. Psychically, however, we have a much more complex structure than this biological equation, although it does not ignore this biological reality.
Thus, the idea that an older woman does not possess enough sex appeal to have a sexual partner is quite complicated to deal with, not only when dealing with this subject matter itself, but also when we face in therapy a 60-year-old woman who has just been abandoned by her husband and exchanged for a woman who is younger than 30 – one of the most cliché situations ever.
So, how can you work on this situation? How can you provide support to this grief without falling into that easy talk of "life starts at 60" or "you will rebuild your life", when the reality is not quite so clear?
On the other hand, I am convinced that, despite all this setbacks and misfortunes, a woman in this situation can find help in psychotherapy, although, initially, it is not going to be the help she was looking for.
The help will come in the form of driving her towards self-realization, through her internal resources.
The help will also come by gently leading her to reach self-ownership, self-fulfillment, enabling her to embrace a life in which she is the center of herself, thus deconstructing that old idea of life, in which she was reduced to being the object of affection of someone else's affection.
If the only reason for this woman's life is to be someone who was the chosen one by a good catch and have a successful relationship with him, when this relationship ends she herself will be over too.
From this scenario, you can imagine why I believe that this new generation will not suffer as much as the previous ones from this ghost that has tormented women for ages: as the woman builds herself a life of her own and has her own purposes, self-esteem, self-reference and self-identity, she no longer identifies herself only as “someone's wife”.
The relationship is still an important part of her life, but only for what it really is: something that fills us with joy and enriches us the day by day. The loving relationship is the icing on the cake, but the woman still has a "whole cake" that is her own life.
And if at some point there is a separation because love is over for some of the spouses, or because one of them died, it will hurt, and it is expected that it hurts - in the sense that I hope the person is human enough to possess this emotions - but her life will not be over.
As long as the person is breathing and her heart is pulsating, something will be renewed!
Life is worth anything you want and you can do it. Especially if it is possible to seek the internal resources, taking into account the person you are.